A Chapman Christmas

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!

Letter to Santa

In honor of the Christmas season, I am posting a letter to Santa that I received in an email. I hope it makes you laugh!

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music, a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals, and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is calling and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MOM...

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa:o)

I've Been Tagged

OH! I've been tagged--thanks to Emily. I've never been tagged before, so this is new for me. I think it's a great idea though, sharing interesting things about one another. Hmmm, what six interesting/crazy things will I share? Why six? I don't know. That's just how many I was challenged to share. So here it goes:

1. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a boy so badly that I would pee standing up and run around with my shirt off, just like my brothers. My escapade ended when I slipped and fell in the toilet while attempting to pee while standing on the toilet seat. Not my proudest moment, but laughable nonetheless.
2. I once had a stalker. I told a guy that a lot of girls (myself included) thought he was stalker scary and rather than be offended, he said he was more attracted to me because I was the first girl "brave enough" to tell him the truth and that was "admirable". After a summer with no contact with said stalker, I showed up to my new college apartment to find him waiting for me. I still have no idea how he found my apartment before I moved in. After telling him that I was not his girlfriend and that I would never marry him, he finally gave up and found someone else to bother. For those who know me well, I am not a mean person, but I had to be really upfront with this guy because he was kind of...well, psycho.
3. My parents were going to name me Tracy Lynn before I was born. Luckily, they changed their minds, otherwise my name would be Tracy Chapman.
4. I don't mean to brag, but I was a pretty darn good runner in high school. :) Even though I was good, I used to get so nervous about racing that I would wish that I would sprain an ankle or get sick before a race. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, it never happened.
5. Before I met my husband George, I was saving all my money to go on a trip to Europe with one of my best friend's from high school. A few months before my summer trip, George swept me off my feet and asked me to marry him. We decided to get married before the end of the summer and my trip to Europe was postponed indefinitely.
6. I have always wanted to be a mommy and I'm so happy that I am, but there is still part of me fighting to have an identity beyond motherhood. I'd like to go back to school and get my master's, learn to paint, write a book, be an amateur photographer, backpack through Europe, run competitively again (perhaps a marathon), buy an expensive pair of shoes, and so many other things.

Okay, so now I tag Lauren, Nikki, George, and Steve. Just share six things about yourself on your blog that may not be widely known. This is just for fun, so no obligations. But sharing is good! Have fun!