Mother's Day This Year

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.  

-Author Unknown

Mother's Day this year started out as a lonely and sad one. I tried very hard not to place too many expectations on the boys since George was not around to help me feel special on one of my special days.  So, I asked the boys to do three simple things for me:  listen and obey, not fight and keep the house clean. I thought these requests were pretty simple but they turned out to be too much for my little ones.  Within 1o minutes, I heard screaming and then one-by-one, the boys trailed into my bathroom to whine and complain against each other. I reminded them about what I asked them to do and they agreed to be better.  

Not long after that, there was spilled milk and dog vomit to clean up and I sarcastically thought to myself, “Could the day get any better?” By the time we arrived to church, miraculously on time, I was so upset with the kids that I could barely sing through the first hymn. There were still a few more slip-ups from the kids during sacrament meeting, but I eventually calmed down and tried to enjoy the rest of church. The day seemed to be getting better. However, the sight of my unusually messier house after church and hungry, sleepy, grouchy children, soon had me heading for a mid-day meltdown. Dallin and Haydn were quickly fed and placed in their beds and Jaren, who doesn't nap during quiet time, stayed by me to allow his brothers a nap while I called family and wished a happy Mother's Day to all the mom's in my life.

After my mid-day meltdown, I was thinking this was the worst Mother's Day I've ever had the pleasure to experience.  I was feeling very sorry for myself and truthfully, I was not focusing on my blessings.  George had sent some beautiful flowers to me the day before, the kids had given me some of their "girly" toys for Mother's Day (because I'm a girl) and while I was talking to my mom, Jaren was writing me love notes, which I totally loved.

After talking to my mom, I spoke to my Grandma Martha, who happens to live with my parents.  I wished her a happy Mother's day and then asked her how hers was going.  She replied that it really wasn't that special and that it seemed just like an ordinary day.  She then asked me the same question.  I told her that it really wasn't that special, I was just "being the mom", when what I really wanted was to be on vacation from being the mom.  She then said something very poignant that made me ashamed of myself and changed my perspective all at the same time.  She kindly reminded me that some women are not able to be mothers and I should be grateful for the chance that I have to be one.  I suddenly remembered all the years I longed to be a mother and could not get pregnant.  I remembered the sadness I felt on Mother's Day, when all the married women at church would receive flowers, including myself, and I would feel undeserving since I was not a mother...yet.  How quickly I had forgotten my struggles and that I have been blessed with three beautiful children!

I realized that Mother's Day is not just about celebrating and appreciating mothers.  But, it is also about appreciating motherhood.  The last five months have been challenging, difficult even, and there are days where I feel that my sanity is on the line.  Over the last little  bit, perhaps even longer, I have been weary with my duties as a mother, and all I can think of is how much I would like to have a few days off from wiping bums, cleaning up accidents, listening to whiny children, and picking up the house every two seconds. In short, I had lost sight of the privilege that I have to be a mother. Though I don't always remember it, I do know that I have been tremendously blessed.  Heavenly Father has answered my prayers and given me my deepest desire, to be a mother! I wouldn't change my life at all.  I love my kids and I am so grateful for the trust that my Father in Heaven has placed in me to raise these special children of His, even if it is alone sometimes.  But then again, I have never been alone.  

Happy New Year...Sort of

Confession time. I have been dreading the new year for about 3 months now.  Why would I dread a single day marked by celebrations, resolutions and new starts?  January 1st, 2011, New Year's day, is the day that I would say goodbye to my husband and become a single parent for 5 1/2 months.  I know, I know.  A lot of people have had their husbands deployed for a year in the sandbox and my husband is in Las Vegas for less than half a year.  No big deal, right? I'm a military wife. Military wives know and expect that at some point they will be alone raising their family.  Still, separation is hard and being the lone parent to handle, deflect and absorb the craziness of raising three young children is even harder.

I've had to be a single mom for much of the last 20 months.  Those 20 months were some of the hardest of my life.  I'm a stronger person for it and most likely it prepared me for this duration of separation, but a little break before starting a single-parenting marathon would have been nice.  Something like a year long break where we could have had a normal life with two parents in the home, 8-hr workdays five days a week, soccer games, family vacations, splitting up of household chores and parenting duties.  Ahhhh...to dream. And it was such a beautiful dream.  But those are not the cards I was dealt.

Perhaps it was better this way, to piggyback one trial on top of the other.  Yes, I am convinced that it is better this way.  Though, if I had my way, I wouldn't have to be so strong all the time and have to endure so much.  But it is what it is.  I can't change anything except my perspective.  Pardon the source of this quote, but I just love what Christopher Robin tells Winnie the Pooh when he goes off to school.  Hmm, my hubby is off at school too!

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember.  You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

I just have to keep telling myself that and pray 20 times a day and I might just survive the year! Here's to 2011 being a good year despite the circumstances.

The 3 Nephites Story

I have been horrible at keeping up with the blog lately. I just haven't had much of a break or been able to produce intelligent writing lately. Updating my profile on Facebook has been so much easier than writing a blog entry. Sorry about that. A few notable things have happened. But first, let me share this quote by President Henry B. Eyring:

My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done. ”

The other day, I decided that I wanted to get out of the house. The kids have been sick with colds for a while and I had just gotten the "ok" from the Dr. to venture out and be around other people again. There was a playgroup meeting at the church and I also had some obligations to visit teach with some of the gals at the group. It had snowed the day before and had continued through the night and some in the morning. I couldn’t see much outside because of the way the wind blows the snow on all of our windows. That should have been my first clue. When I let Eddie outside to relieve himself, I noticed the snow drifts along our back fence were almost as tall as the fence, and in other parts of the yard I could see grass. That should’ve been my second clue.

So, I dressed the kids, warmed up the car, swept the snow off with a broom, then scraped the ice off, shoveled a path to the car and went back inside the house to get the kids. During this time, my hair had frozen into icicles. By this time, after all the work I had done to get to the playgroup, I was determined to go. I loaded the kids in and pulled out of the driveway. It didn’t look so bad on the roads, though visibility was poor due to the snow blowing everywhere. I made it to the end of the road to turn right, but…I drove the car right into a snowdrift, which wasn’t off to the side of the road but instead was right in my lane. Feeling a bit shocked and foolish at this point, I step out of the car to access the situation. I definitely needed to shovel my way out, but I didn’t want to run back to my house to get the snow shovel with the blowing snow, snow drifts and icy roads, and leave my car with all my kids in it. I went back into the car and decided to say a prayer because I needed help. After I finished praying, I looked in my rearview mirror and something caught my eye. It was a truck. In all my time outside shoveling and stuck in the snow, I hadn’t seen one car at all and then all of the sudden one was there right after my prayer. Out of the truck stepped three large men and they had snow shovels. Coincidence? I think not.

Okay, so it wasn’t the 3 Nephites. They were my neighbors, but I definitely believe that these men were an answer to my prayer. As foolish and stubborn as I was to venture out into very bad driving conditions, Heavenly Father inspired three men to get in their truck to get milk at the grocery store at that very moment. Why did three men have to go to the store to get milk and why did they have snow shovels with them? Well, they must be used to these weather conditions and must have known that they might need to use the shovels. But, they probably didn’t realize that they’d have to use it on some Wyoming weather rookie a few hundred feet away from their homes. I’m just grateful that Heavenly Father answers prayers even when we’re being a little reckless and stubborn.

Separation is Hard

I consider myself a pretty strong person, afterall, George has left me plenty enough times (on work assignments of course) for me to manage the kids for long durations of time and everyone is still alive and happy when he returns. Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones, maybe it's the children being in a different environment and exploring their limits, or probably both, but this time I am really pulling my hair out! Even though I am staying at my parent's home, Team Chapman just doesn't function as well without George. There's just no substitute for a husband or daddy.

I'm sure things will get better, but if anyone has any parenting tips for kids really pushing their limits, especially in front of grandma and grandpa, please let me know. I'm at my wit's end.

Some sound advice from a seasoned mother!

The Higher Power of Lucky!

I've been pondering a bit over the last several days how lucky we have been lately. And since this month celebrates St. Patrick's day, which is usually associated with luck, I thought I would update our blog to reflect that. I've been guilty lately of only looking at the negative side of things. Instead of complaining about all the stresses of moving and selling our home, I should be content and count my blessings.

On Sunday, I broke the news at church that we sold our house and the kids and I would be moving out of the ward shortly after closing, which is in 9 days. Several people were shocked that we sold our house so quickly. While our house was still on the market, George and I were stressing about how many showings we'd had and wondering if we'd sell our home in time. But we did, and not only did we sell our home faster than average, but we are not losing money on our home. All over the country, responsible people are losing money on their homes. We are fortunate enough to have a sizable down payment on our next home and little to no debt. And even though we will be homeless for almost 3 months, I can still see the hand of the Lord guiding us in our decision making.

I don't know what Wyoming has in store for us. We certainly did not choose to go there, but I do know that the Lord is the one who is ultimately in charge of our lives and if we trust in Him, we can count our blessings instead of our trials.

Changes

The new year always brings changes. This year especially will be a big year for change. For starters, we will have a new president running our country very shortly. A lot of changes will follow from that; whether they be good or bad, I don't know. For our family, we will be selling our house and moving to Wyoming by the end of April. It may not be a big change from Montana, but moving is always a big deal.

Also, we finally feel that it is safe to say, "The third time is the charm." After two back-to-back miscarriages, I found out I carry a blood-clotting gene, which is most likely the cause of our previous losses. I have been seeing a high-risk doctor and giving myself shots of blood thinner twice a day and so far, everything is going very well. I am 13 weeks along and we've heard the baby's heartbeat and seen a beautiful baby on ultrasound. Naturally, we did not want to share our good news until we felt we were out of the danger zone. The due date is July 12, but the baby may come sooner than that because I can be induced up to two weeks prior.

Oh, and another big change: I will be trading in my SUV keys for a minivan's. I feel like I am giving up a lot, but perhaps I will be gaining more with a minivan. The good far outweighs the bad, but I can't get over how uncool I will feel driving a minivan. Lame, I know. So, since I am going to drive a minivan, we purchased one of the best, a Honda Odyssey. We bought it this last weekend, so I haven't been able to drive it much. It's a 2006 Odyssey, silver with gray leather interior and a DVD player. What's not to love, right? I'm sure I'll love it.

And since change is the topic of this post, I'd like to make some changes this year.

• Make exercise more important in my life this year
  
• Spend more time teaching and playing with my children
  
• Advance my cooking skills
• Walk Eddie more often
• Do better at reading scriptures daily
• Live more in tune with the Spirit
• Practice charity
  

Now I'm accountable, so hold me to it!

Snow in September

Okay, so it really didn't snow here, but it did snow this weekend in Montana. What a way to start September, huh? This weekend, my parents drove up and spent Labor Day weekend with us. We've been telling our family for a long time that this is our last summer here, so if they want to see Glacier and Yellowstone, this is the time to do it. So, my parents came at the end of the summer, literally. When they showed up, we were enjoying 85 degree weather. When they left, they drove home through 8 inches of snow on the pass. Luckily, we were able to go to Glacier before it snowed. It was short-lived but we were able to drive on Going-to-the-Sun road. It really is as beautiful as I've heard it was. The only regret about this weekend was that my dad was not able to take Jaren fishing for the first time. The weather and a few other things conspired against us preventing us from enjoying the weekend to the fullest. But, we had a great time and as usual, Jaren and Eddie were the most bummed when my parents drove away.

So now that I've caught you up with the weekend, let me fill you in on a few other recent developments. Dallin finished his treatment of cranial molding two days ago. He wore his helmet for four months and it has made a lot of difference. The only unfortunate consequence of wearing a helmet for that long is that Dallin is so used to it being there, he is constantly getting bumps, scratches and bruises all over his head. In fact, this evening he fell down the stairs. I always thought that if he fell down the stairs it wouldn't be so bad because he was wearing a helmet. Well, wouldn't you know it, he never did fall down the stairs until tonight.

Jaren started preschool today. He was so excited to start and hopefully still is excited about preschool. Unfortunately, when George picked him up today he said he had been a bad boy and was hurt in his eye. I hope that doesn't mean he got into a fight with another kid, but I'm thinking he did. He's a small kid but he also stands his ground. He's been known to "stand up" for himself at church when other kids have tried to take away his toys. We'll have to work on some of that behavior.

Finally, some sad news for George and I. Last week, George and I found out that I would be having another miscarriage. We didn't announce that we were pregnant again because it was so soon after my first miscarriage (I miscarried June 19 and was 1o weeks pregnant on Sunday-can you do the math?). I began miscarrying yesterday, so we're off to a really great start in September aren't we? Well, to be honest, even though having two miscarriages in a row really isn't that great, I feel comforted in knowing that Heavenly Father has a plan for George and I. I have been humbled several times recently and though some might doubt Heavenly Father's love for me in having me suffer through these, I have felt sustained in my trials and have grown closer to Him as I pray more fervently than I would have if I didn't have trials. I guess I'm one of those people who need a reminder every now and then to keep me humble and prayerful. Anyway, I just wanted to share a few things and let you know that we are doing fine. Life is still good and everything will work out just the way it's supposed to.

Oh and on another side note, George is leaving next week for six weeks. Anyone feel like visiting?

Reflections on Motherhood

My whole life, I have always dreamed of being a mother. In my dreams, I would gather my children around me and teach them the gospel, the spirit would always be in our home, other children would congregate to our house, and I would never, not even once, raise my voice. I would be a Marjorie Hinckley-Mary Poppins hybrid. Now that I have a little more experience and a few mistakes under my belt, I confess that motherhood is less glamorous and a lot harder than I ever imagined. But it is so much more rewarding than I imagined as well. Here are some examples of the bad and good I have faced:

The BAD:

• Cleaning up bodily waste, either from a diaper, clothing, a poop-smeared toilet or in the grass at the park!
• Getting head-butted from my helmet-wearing infant.
• Sweeping the floor twenty million times a day.
• Screaming, inconsolable children at church.
• Not being able to sit and eat quietly during meal times.
• Children not going to bed when I want them to.
• Sleep-deprivation from waking children through the night.
  

The GOOD:

• Newborn babies.
  
• My children's unconditional love.
• Children's smiles and laughter in our home.
• A child's first's (laughs, smiles, words, walking, etc.)
  
• Watching my children's faces light up when they accomplish something.
  
• Someone who wants to be around me all day long.
• Someone who depends on me for their happiness.
• Someone who thinks I am the greatest thing in the world.
• Compliments and thank you's from my children.
  
• The funny things they say or do that no matter what, always brings a smile to my face.
• The deep love I feel for each one of my children.

I believe it is good to reflect on these types of things so that when we do have to deal with the less glamorous aspects of our lives, we remember the good and essentially "count our blessings". I know by doing so, I certainly have a better perspective of things. Perhaps I can be Marjorie Poppins after all.

No Baby #3 Yet

I'm not sure if anyone read our last post, but I couldn't resist hinting that we were pregnant. It was our first time getting pregnant without medication and fertility drugs and without really "trying". This morning, I went to the ER to find out that I was going to have a miscarriage. I am not far enough along to have a horrible one, but nonetheless, it is not fun.

So, don't worry, we are doing fine. I know that we will have more children and Heavenly Father knows what is best. The bright side of all of this is that we know I can get pregnant without medical intervention, while nursing, and while training for and running in a half-marathon. It's a miracle we conceived at all! Though it was short-lived, I've enjoyed knowing and being pregnant for the last six days.

10 Things I Never Thought I Would Say

Sometimes, Jaren reminds me of another busy little boy!

1. "Eww, gross! Don't eat your poop!"
2. "Don't stick your fork in your eye."
3. "We eat with our hands, not our feet."
4. "Stop kicking your brother in the head."
5. "Mommies color their [toe]nails, not little boys."
6. "Please don't jump on the dog!"
7. "Get your finger out of your nose."
8. "Only mommy can feed the baby mommy's milk."
9. "Sit down, fold your arms, and be still... forever!" (Yes, I was having a hard day!)
10. "You better stop or else..."
    

TAGGED AGAIN!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Hmm, 10 years ago, I was nearing the end of my senior year of high school and I was getting ready to compete at state in track and field. I was pretty hot stuff, so I was being recruited by a few colleges to run cross country and track. But after visiting Ricks College, I decided to sign with them. Also, I believe I was getting ready for my last prom and taking a few placement tests for college. Man, how I miss those days!

5 things on my to-do list today:
1. Go exercise at the HAWC
2. Do the laundry
3. Vacuum and dust the house
4. Sterilize the house (after having 2 sickos)
5. Make an awesome dinner and dessert for FHE

My favorite treats:
1. Snickers
2. Brownies
3. Homemade chocolate chip mint ice-cream
4. Foot massages
5. Shoulder massages

3 bad habits (or things I would change about myself):
1. Not to lose it with my kids. I am actually doing a lot better at handling things in a more calm, quiet manner, like before they could get into trouble.
2. I probably spend too much time on the computer and not enough time teaching my children.
3. I don't get out enough with the kids and do fun things with them.

If I were suddenly a billionaire, I would...
1. Buy or build a nice comfortable home to raise our family in.
2. Take a much needed vacation without kids and then take a couple with them.
3. Hire a maid!

Places I have lived:
Seattle, WA
Kennewick, WA
Rexburg, ID
Provo, UT
Vandenburg AFB, CA
Great Falls, MT

Jobs I've had:
Dental assistant/secretary
BYU Special Collections processor (one of all-time favorite jobs)
temp
stay at home mom and homemaker

5 things most people don't know about me...
1. I am an All-American in track in field at the NJCAA level.
2. I made it through college on scholarships.
3. I love learning languages.
4. I once appeared on the cover of a magazine.
5. I love to dance crazy.

2 people I would like to tag are (Please don't feel obligated!):
Lauren and Jenae

I've Been Tagged

OH! I've been tagged--thanks to Emily. I've never been tagged before, so this is new for me. I think it's a great idea though, sharing interesting things about one another. Hmmm, what six interesting/crazy things will I share? Why six? I don't know. That's just how many I was challenged to share. So here it goes:

1. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a boy so badly that I would pee standing up and run around with my shirt off, just like my brothers. My escapade ended when I slipped and fell in the toilet while attempting to pee while standing on the toilet seat. Not my proudest moment, but laughable nonetheless.
2. I once had a stalker. I told a guy that a lot of girls (myself included) thought he was stalker scary and rather than be offended, he said he was more attracted to me because I was the first girl "brave enough" to tell him the truth and that was "admirable". After a summer with no contact with said stalker, I showed up to my new college apartment to find him waiting for me. I still have no idea how he found my apartment before I moved in. After telling him that I was not his girlfriend and that I would never marry him, he finally gave up and found someone else to bother. For those who know me well, I am not a mean person, but I had to be really upfront with this guy because he was kind of...well, psycho.
3. My parents were going to name me Tracy Lynn before I was born. Luckily, they changed their minds, otherwise my name would be Tracy Chapman.
4. I don't mean to brag, but I was a pretty darn good runner in high school. :) Even though I was good, I used to get so nervous about racing that I would wish that I would sprain an ankle or get sick before a race. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, it never happened.
5. Before I met my husband George, I was saving all my money to go on a trip to Europe with one of my best friend's from high school. A few months before my summer trip, George swept me off my feet and asked me to marry him. We decided to get married before the end of the summer and my trip to Europe was postponed indefinitely.
6. I have always wanted to be a mommy and I'm so happy that I am, but there is still part of me fighting to have an identity beyond motherhood. I'd like to go back to school and get my master's, learn to paint, write a book, be an amateur photographer, backpack through Europe, run competitively again (perhaps a marathon), buy an expensive pair of shoes, and so many other things.

Okay, so now I tag Lauren, Nikki, George, and Steve. Just share six things about yourself on your blog that may not be widely known. This is just for fun, so no obligations. But sharing is good! Have fun!

Success Story

I am a social butterfly...almost.

So, a bit of advice was given to me to help me with my socializing skills: Just ask people about themselves in socially awkward situations, because most people LOVE to talk to themselves. So I followed this advice recently, and voila, I had a great conversation with someone. Although, the conversation was mostly one-sided (this girl liked to talk more than me!), I had a great time getting to know her better. I just wanted to share that socially stunted people can make friends! Oh, and if anyone has any advice in the social department, I could sure use it. Have a great day!

George and Erin Rundown

Congratulations! You have found the George and Erin Chapman blog site. That must mean we like you and you like us! Ha! Ha! Well, for many of you of whom we keep in touch with (mostly family because we're so bad with every one else), anything that is written may be "old news". But, for all those whom we hope will forgive us for being terrible friends, you might find this interesting (we hope).

George is currently serving as a 1st Lieutenant in the United States Air Force. His current occupation is a missileer (for non-military folk, he's a rocket scientist - just kidding) at Malmstrom Air Force Base in Great Falls, MT. His assignment is four years and we are just about halfway done! Thank goodness. We don't mind living in Montana. It is just a hard job! It is hard on George and hard on family life. However, George recently was promoted to having a job in the Office Support Squadron, which means he is away from home much, much less. This has been very, very good!

Jaren just turned 1 years old the other day. He was very thankful to reach that milestone on none other but Thanksgiving day. We were very fortunate to have my family (Erin) come from Washington to spend his first birthday with us. Jaren received several cool presents from Grandma and Grandpa Park. He also had a very cool birthday cake! Jaren is growing up fast. He is not yet walking on his own yet. He prefers to walk along walls and cling to my legs than venture off on his own. He has a few words that he says consistently. He likes to say "Hi dad" to both myself and George. And, he says Eddiedie for Eddie (our beloved German Shepherd). Although he does not speak very many words, he has no problem communicating to us. When he wants more food, he says "Heeyyyy". When he's done eating, he pushes the spoonful of food away, and when he wants to be picked up, he crawls over to me, pulls himself up onto my legs, and cries until I pick him up. I hope to teach him sign language so we will not have to listen to him cry or yell at us as much.

As for myself, I am staying busy picking up after Hurricane Jaren, watching Baby Einstein videos (actually one, over and over and over again), doing laundry (I thought it was a never-ending job before Jaren), household chores, and serving as the Young Women's president in my ward. My days seem to go by awfully fast and I have a hard time remembering what it is I do all day. The only time I have to accomplish anything is when Jaren sleeps and I seem to remember (faintly) that I have a Christmas stocking for Jaren that I am trying to finish before Christmas comes. Other than that, my days are consumed with my darling baby boy, my whiny dog (for lack of attention), and my tired and busy husband (when he's home).

Life treats us pretty good. We still feel very blessed to have Jaren in our lives. Though he can be challenging, we love him to death and are grateful for every day that we have to live with him. Well, that is enough for now. Hope all is well.