Mother's Day This Year

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.  

-Author Unknown

Mother's Day this year started out as a lonely and sad one. I tried very hard not to place too many expectations on the boys since George was not around to help me feel special on one of my special days.  So, I asked the boys to do three simple things for me:  listen and obey, not fight and keep the house clean. I thought these requests were pretty simple but they turned out to be too much for my little ones.  Within 1o minutes, I heard screaming and then one-by-one, the boys trailed into my bathroom to whine and complain against each other. I reminded them about what I asked them to do and they agreed to be better.  

Not long after that, there was spilled milk and dog vomit to clean up and I sarcastically thought to myself, “Could the day get any better?” By the time we arrived to church, miraculously on time, I was so upset with the kids that I could barely sing through the first hymn. There were still a few more slip-ups from the kids during sacrament meeting, but I eventually calmed down and tried to enjoy the rest of church. The day seemed to be getting better. However, the sight of my unusually messier house after church and hungry, sleepy, grouchy children, soon had me heading for a mid-day meltdown. Dallin and Haydn were quickly fed and placed in their beds and Jaren, who doesn't nap during quiet time, stayed by me to allow his brothers a nap while I called family and wished a happy Mother's Day to all the mom's in my life.

After my mid-day meltdown, I was thinking this was the worst Mother's Day I've ever had the pleasure to experience.  I was feeling very sorry for myself and truthfully, I was not focusing on my blessings.  George had sent some beautiful flowers to me the day before, the kids had given me some of their "girly" toys for Mother's Day (because I'm a girl) and while I was talking to my mom, Jaren was writing me love notes, which I totally loved.

After talking to my mom, I spoke to my Grandma Martha, who happens to live with my parents.  I wished her a happy Mother's day and then asked her how hers was going.  She replied that it really wasn't that special and that it seemed just like an ordinary day.  She then asked me the same question.  I told her that it really wasn't that special, I was just "being the mom", when what I really wanted was to be on vacation from being the mom.  She then said something very poignant that made me ashamed of myself and changed my perspective all at the same time.  She kindly reminded me that some women are not able to be mothers and I should be grateful for the chance that I have to be one.  I suddenly remembered all the years I longed to be a mother and could not get pregnant.  I remembered the sadness I felt on Mother's Day, when all the married women at church would receive flowers, including myself, and I would feel undeserving since I was not a mother...yet.  How quickly I had forgotten my struggles and that I have been blessed with three beautiful children!

I realized that Mother's Day is not just about celebrating and appreciating mothers.  But, it is also about appreciating motherhood.  The last five months have been challenging, difficult even, and there are days where I feel that my sanity is on the line.  Over the last little  bit, perhaps even longer, I have been weary with my duties as a mother, and all I can think of is how much I would like to have a few days off from wiping bums, cleaning up accidents, listening to whiny children, and picking up the house every two seconds. In short, I had lost sight of the privilege that I have to be a mother. Though I don't always remember it, I do know that I have been tremendously blessed.  Heavenly Father has answered my prayers and given me my deepest desire, to be a mother! I wouldn't change my life at all.  I love my kids and I am so grateful for the trust that my Father in Heaven has placed in me to raise these special children of His, even if it is alone sometimes.  But then again, I have never been alone.